Sep 242010
 
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Children With Absent Fathers

Some children do not have the opportunity to have a father figure in their life. These children may face not having a father for a variety of reasons. Children deal with the loss of the father figure in different ways. Some children appear to have no problem not having a father in their life and others seem to have great difficulties with this loss.

An absent father is either a father that is permanently out of the picture. The father left because he did not want to be involved when the child was born, or he felt no need to be with someone that he did not love and left for that reason. There are other reasons why a father may be absent from a child’s life permanently. Some absent fathers are gone for a temporary period of time. These fathers may have jobs that call them away or other reasons that take them away from home for long periods of time. Absent fathers could be in jail, could be divorced or separate, or could be in the military as well as the reasons mentioned earlier.

Children may have difficulty dealing with the absence of their father. Some children are able to adapt to difficult situations and may be fine without their father. Other children have difficulty with the loss of their father. It is important to keep in mind that a majority of single parents are female and that may indicate that a lot of children have absent fathers. Children with fathers in the picture tend to have less mental health diagnoses and tend to be emotionally healthier. Fathers that are absent or who are not good influences on their children, tend to cause their children to have mental health diagnoses. These kids could be seen as following in the footsteps of their fathers. If their father is constantly going to jail, this sets the example that it is okay for this child to do what his father does. Some of the absent fathers have mental health diagnoses that the children receive genetically or from learning what their father does to cope with life.

In a situation where the father is absent it is important to once again understand how the children feel about the situation. It does not help for a parent to bad mouth another parent. Allow the child to talk freely about the absent parent. Make sure the child understands that the absence of their father is in no way their fault. Often children tend to take the blame for their absent parent. Good parenting requires the parent to explain why the father is absent and how it is not the child’s fault. Even with all the talk a child may find it difficult to accept that the situation is not their fault. Children need some messages repeated so that they can absorb the information. If none of the above works have the child attend counseling and work out grief and loss issues in relation to the absent father.

  18 Responses to “Children with absent Fathers”

  1. I just re-read my piece and, of course, fathers are not kicked out of Norway but foreign fathers do not have an automatic right to reside in the same country as their kids if they have been in a relationship abroad. Wome and children being deported from western countries is almost unheard of. Unfortunately, single mothers to foreign fathers with no right to residence get more money from the state as there is very little chance of the father being around to support the child. Some women (a minority) have a few kids, one each to different foreign men and seem to live very well from it. With, in some US states, particularly amongst those with college degrees, divorce or separation instigated by women running at 90%, it’s not suprising men are reluctant to get married and women say they have problems getting men to to be serious about a relationship. Men can read the stats and work out 9 out of 10 men fail to please their wives or partners. Not good odds.

  2. I think the point should be made that western societies, on the whole, legislate on the basis that fathers are unimportant. As far as the birth-rate is concerned, we have those at the bottom of society having loads of kids whilst professional women with careers put off having kids until later in life, sometimes too late. I think sons look for look for a father figure and, when none can be found, adopt them online … they may be older males on gaming forums … we know this is dangerous but, if you follow the URL above you will see circumstances where fathers (in Norway at least) are not entitled to reside in the same country as their kids. I liked the point made earlier about how being a Dad comes from the heart but, as a Dad who loves kids, I am more reserved now since the tabloid press has created a toxic environment for Men prepared to spend time with kids. One thing that has struck me is how many kids elect to live with their Dads once they are old enough to have a say in the matter and how many Mums are lonely as the kids find the Dad their Mum left isn’t such a monster after all and they catch up on lost years. I would say that if most men can be patient, keep a decent home, a spare room, an open and big heart, keep contact with the kids … they’ll be surprised what sweet years with their kids and grand-children lie ahead. Mums should be careful what the wish for. An ex of mine, married, left her husband with the kids. He was offered a good job in New Xealand, took it, returned to see the kids regularly, started a business that did well … now the kids are in New Zealand with the Dad and his younger wife working in the Dad’s company. The last 14 year old wants to join the others in new Zealand … Mum is going to be left alone in the UK. Not nice for her. Society would be better if families to stay together as our grandparents did.

  3. I am a single father, I look after my two young children and the mother is not interested.
    Is there any helplines for this particular situation as no matter how hard I try I cannot find any advice for this scenario.

    I feel it may have a more profound affect on my children not seeing their mother than it would should I not be around.
    Is this right?

    My son has been acting out in school and at home and seems to not show his emotion or empathy for other people.
    is there anything I can do

  4. […] my sons were in the scouts. I thought it would be good for them particularly because they had an absent father, rather typical for those days. I was divorced and their father was not around much. While […]

  5. I really blog too and I’m publishing a little something related
    to this specific blog post, “Children with absent Fathers | Parenting
    Help Me”. Do you really care if perhaps I
    reallyapply a number of of your personal concepts?

    Thank you ,Jermaine

  6. My daughter’s father has been in and out of her life for 9 yrs making false promises and filling her head with how much daddy loves her. He has always only talked a good talk. A weak coward. Our daughter is 9, he does nothing for her financially and yet he just had another child. Since that child has been born he hasn’t called her once! My baby is so broken and I absolutely can’t stand seeing it. What can I tell her or do to make her feel better or find a healthier less painful way of viewing the situation? I don’t know what’s right anymore. Truth vs sugar coating a little?

  7. my son father stop being afather when he had a new son. him and his family.

  8. Through the international trade practice’s study and the practice,

  9. This article missed out on another vital point why a father is absent, some mothers make the choice,i got a friend who raised his son for 5years and the min he had another child the ex of 5years ago now denies him to see his son,because he has moved on.

  10. This was difficult for me as well. My daughter’s father left when she was two and a half and he has never seen her since. It is hard to take the high road but so worth it. I have never spoken negatively about him. I searched for books for her to help with this subject and was amazed by the lack of children’s books to help explain this. I decided to write my own as a gift to her…and it constantly reinforces the message that “no matter what kind of family you have it is perfect for you”. The story is about a giraffe that seeks great beauty in the jungle and wanders off never to return. The message repeated through out the book is ” I’ll always love you and protect you and as you grow you’ll see, that I was chosen for you and you were chosen for me, and even though we are only two…we are still a family”. Although our family has changed as couple of times (now I do some fostering)…the message is clear…that when someone is lost…it’s not because they don’t love you or that you are not worthy…sometimes people like animals…simply get lost!!! Really isn’t that the truth…because who could leave a child? I know my daughter will have more questions as she grows but this beautifully illustrated book has done the trick and she hasn’t had any questions in awhile. If you want to look at our book, it is on http://www.abovethetrees.ca

  11. [...] my sons were in the scouts. I thought it would be good for them particularly because they had an absent father, rather typical for those days. I was divorced and their father was not around much. While [...]

  12. I have a 5year old grandaughter who’s father drops in and out of her life periodically for what ever reasons he has that are not clear to my daughter or myself. Tonight my grandaughter has cried herself to sleep because she is so upset saying that she ‘doesn’t feel lucky and that her life is ruined’. It’s heart breaking to hear this, can anyone give any advice on how to handle this please?

  13. hi,
    i know how the father is and he thinks that i have to take him where is he sitting and when they say that he come there he gets mad and calls me name and say things that will hurt the kid

  14. I completely second Jolly’s statement that the ‘BLOOD’ is not what defines the father but the effort and interest put forth is what truly matters.

    A child’s destiny is by NO means written simply because the biological father is absent.

    If anything, it is pure motivation for the primary parent to be all within their power they can be for the child. Nothing less.

  15. DADDY isn’t defined as the man who makes the child, but rather the man who extends his hands and time to help with the child’s raising and his heart to love the child through anything!!!! BLOOD doesn’t always make you a DAD. Being a DAD comes from the heart… any fool can make a baby, it takes a man to raise a child!.

  16. I could not agree less… I would have been so much better off without ever knowing my “dad”. Conceiving a child does not, in any way, automatically make you a parent. It just means that you have sexual organs that work the way they are designed to work. When an adult is unable to put the welfare of a child before ALL else, especially drugs or alcohol… They should not EVER be around that child. While my Mom had to struggle financially, my dad was able to drink himself to sleep every night (sometimes day). He was/is a waste of space, and has taught me NOTHING except what I dont want my son to have in his life. Unfortunately, I learned that lessen AFTER I became pregnant. My son’s “dad” is EXACTLY like my “dad”.

  17. i think dhat fathers shoplld always be there 4 dhere children no matter what happen

  18. All fathers should be there for their kids no matter what!!! I grew up without my father, and my life was bad. His name is Joseph McCall from Philadelphia PA and now lives in Virgina, and not to put all the blame of my life on him, but if he was there for me I know things would have been better. he married and raised 2 other kids but not me. Was I not good enough??? I know I’m not the only person out there with a story like this, but they all need to be heard…

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