When Should I Allow My Kid to Start Dating?
My 11 year old daughter doesn’t know this yet, but she will not be allowed to date until the United States government says I no longer have the lawful right to control her every breath. (Which is usually around 18.) By then , I hope to have brainwashed her into thinking she has to obey my every command until death do us part. For the rest of you sane parents, the following advice should be helpful:
1. Reach way back and clean out the cobwebs of your youthful memory and reminisce about the kinds of activities you participated in when you were dating as a young and stupid teen. Whatever things you experienced, multiply by 10, and that is what your kid will be doing on their dates.
2. Whatever you may think, you do NOT know your child. If you think you do, YOU have been brainwashed and need to seek intervention as soon as you finish reading this post. Children will inevitably do the opposite of what their parents think they will do.
3. Repeat after me, “trust” is an archaic and barbaric word. If you use the word trust and child in the same sentence, go wash your mouth out with soap immediately. Trust is at the root of all evil in the world.
If after reading through the preceeding rules you still think that you may want your teenager to date at some point in their lives, I have the number to my therapist on speed dial and don’t mind sharing. Help is just a phone call away.
come on !!!!! what makes u think that teen boys are like this .Well according to my experience , it is the girls who come to me and ask if am interested .well most of the time i ignore them and usually all of them goes with a sad face .
Now, guess your child will be dating before mine. Yes, Cait is 14 but, I am convincing her that dating is a health hazard – I mean look, that is how I got her.
Kissing will cause a horrible reaction and you will no longer be able to wear any lip gloss. You know, because of all the hideous blisters kissing can cause. FYI – you can kiss someone but, you have to let your immune system build up so, it can fight off boy germs. That takes about 2 years per boy.
That is just one of my handy little stories of dating. I have so many and they all end with some sort of horrible reaction that will make you look worse than a ditch monster if you have not taken precautions. I won’t even get into the how boys give off toxic acid that will burn through any tissue it touches. I have to keep somethings secret, if everyone knew then who would keep those teenage boys busy while I continue to mold Cait’s mind?
Don’t get me wrong teenage boys are great – as long as they are not dating MY daughter.
Funny but strangely true… I believe you.
Too Funny! I feel the same way about my teen son.