Was your husband sexually abused as a child?
Recently Tom Arnold, the 49 year old actor, admitted that he had been abused by a babysitter from the age of four until he was seven. Like most men, he kept the secret hidden deep within his own psyche.
Most men who were sexually abused never tell and keep the secret their whole lives.
According to Author and sexual abuse survivor, Mark Douglass, there are things that a wife can do to help a husband deal with his experience of abuse.
• Don’t blame the victim – One common question people ask is “Why didn’t you tell someone or break away?” But that’s applying the adult model to a kid’s brain, which just isn’t fair. Molesters are master manipulators and know how to keep kids quiet. “My abuser told me that for $300, he could have me killed and no one would ever find out. He also used a cattle prod on me from time to time“, stated Mr Douglas.
• Try to ease his fears – Men who finally admit their abuse are worried they’re going to be branded as gay or as weak. Just because he was abused by a man does not mean he is a homosexual.
• Remember that this doesn’t mean he’ll be an abuser, too – 98% of men who were molested never abuse anyone else. But men who were sexually abused are often terrified they will be branded as a molester, or that their kids might be taken away.
• Don’t be offended he hid this from you – Most men who were abused never tell. It’s a secret they live with their whole lives. I speak around the country about my experiences so that other men can come out of the closet and admit they were abused, and go on to live happy and fulfilling lives.
• Encourage him to get therapy – The right therapist can help him explore those hidden, painful feelings and make him realize none of this was his fault, and he is in no way to blame.
For more information on Mark Douglass and his experience on regaining his life after abuse read his book,